There's no way I'm running away now
by EiijunSawa15
Summary: Eijun Sawamura had been abused by his parents when his older brother Miyuki left their home. [AU/Not a romance story]
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Sawamura nearly tripped over his own shoelaces as he hurried up the stone steps into the Seidou school. He was running late, which was a very common occurrence with the young boy. The bell signaled the start of class and he flew into his first class, barely seating himself before his teacher could turn around to shut the door.

"That's the third time this month, Sawamura." Ochiai said.

"Sorry, I missed the bus again, sergeant!"

Ochiai sighed in obvious irritation. "That excuse won't fly in the real world, Sawamura. If you're late one more time it's detention. Understand?"

Sawamura's face burned with embarrassment and he nodded, "Yes, understood, sergeant!" while his classmates failed to conceal their snickering.

The class went by uneventfully and slow, which was nothing new for a literature class. The bell rang and Eijun gathered up his tattered books into his arms, ready to speed out of the room.

"Not so fast, Bakamura!"

Sawamura sighed and turned away from the door, going against the current of classmates to his teacher's distant desk. "Yes, sergeant?"

"This is your third offense this semester, you know what that means?" Ochiai said.

"Uh… stand on the hallway with buckets of water and no more warnings?" Sawamura frowned.

"Nice try. It means I need to conference with your parents about this behavior before it becomes a habit." Ochiai tore out a sheet of notebook paper and scribbled down a quick note, passing it to the young student. "Here. Have your parents sign this and bring it back to me tomorrow."

Sawamura took the note and placed it securely in his binder. Before he could leave he was stopped once more by the bane of his existence. "And, Sawamura? Your books were just issued in August and are already in terrible condition. Any more damage and you'll need to pay for them in May. I'm already giving you slack considering its current condition."

It was true, Sawamura's school-issue books were in almost a worse shape than his own supplies, no matter how new or old they were. It wasn't his fault, though, books just weren't safe in his home. It was not a building of learning like the school; it was a building of learning to hold your tongue.

Sawamura nodded and rushed out of the room to his next class, which was luckily in the same hallway, otherwise he'd be late again. It was an art class, his favorite class. He plopped down at his easel, next to his friend Furuya and Haruichi.

The young male teacher, Yuki hobbled around the room, setting up a still-life in the center of easels. Furuya leaned over as Sawamura began to place his books and binders under his chair to make room for paints and brushes on the stand under his canvas.

"Hey, you were almost late again." Furuya whispered.

"I know, my English teacher had me stay late." Sawamura sighed.

Haruichi leaned over as well. "Why did he make you stay? Did you miss the bus again, Eijun-kun?"

"Yeah..."

Haruichi exhaled. "He thinks he can do anything he wants because second period is his planning class. I have him fourth and he never holds us back. He makes you late for being late?"

"What a hypocrite." Furuya muttered.

A glare from Yuki silenced them and he gave the class today's lesson plan. "Class, settle down! Who can tell me what we're doing today? Hm?"

There was a long silence and students avoided Yuki's gaze, looking anywhere but at him. "No volunteers?" Yuki picked up his class seating chart. "Kominato!"

Haruichi startled, "We're… painting?"

"Very good! Class, remember, easels mean painting! This week I want everyone to wear old clothes because acrylic does not wash out! I have a box of aprons in the back for anyone who needs one."

The class continued on smoothly. Anyone who knew Sawamura knew that this was his thing: he was always found doodling on homework page margins or working all class in art to perfect something as simple as shading. He was very driven when it came to creating his own personal masterpieces, something that tends to distract Furuya (who would get so caught up in watching his friend paint that he would neglect his own work).

Furuya, being a suspected sufferer of ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) by his teachers, always complained that Furuya couldn't just make his own "piece of garbage" while Picasso (Sawamura) was right next to him. Furuya also admitted to enjoying Sawamura mix paint into tie-dye-like colors on his pallet.

Sawamura smiled to himself, very pleased that he finally found the right shade of brown to mix into the shading of the plastic apple on display in front of him. His canvas had the pencil sketches of all the fruits and empty wine bottles perfectly laid out, looking surreal against the nearly-finished painted apple and orange. Furuya marveled at his ability to put so much effort into painting one tiny part of the canvas, while he always tried to cover his entire board with a layer of paint before class let out. As a result, his canvas was a shiny beige of drying paint with nothing to indicate it was a still-life of fruit except for a few blobs of color at the bottom (where he "totally" was gonna add some high-lights or whatever to make them into fruit").

"Ten minute warning!" Yuki called out.

Everyone filtered to the sink and trash cans and their artist cubbies where they were encouraged to cover their pallets in plastic-wrap to save their unused paint. Sawamura was notorious for working until the end of class, speeding through the cleaning process in a solid minute because he wanted as much time as he could get away with to paint. Once he started something, he couldn't leave it unfinished. It was, as his another friend Kanemaru called it, curse of the artist.

It was three minutes until classes changed; most students sat and pulled their chairs together, or waited at the door like dogs. Sawamura walked to the empty sinks and washed out his brushes. He smiled when he turned back to his easel to see Haruichi and Furuya had already cleared away his supplies and put them away.

"If we help you clean, then you have more time to paint, and that's more time for us to watch." Harucihi would say every time Sawamura asked them about why they helped.

The rest of his classes passed slowly, and lunch was excruciatingly slow considering Sawamura didn't have money for food. He sat in the bathroom stalls that day, sketching in his spare notebook until the bell changed classes again. Having last lunch meant switching classes as soon as he was done eating (or in today's case, starving alone in a bathroom).

After school he headed straight into town, on his way to his part-time job at a small flower shop. It was September and the business was slowing down. His hours were being cut shorter and shorter and he joked with Haruichi that if he didn't know any better he'd say his boss was trying to get rid of him.

He frowned. It wouldn't be the first time he wasn't wanted.

Sawamura tugged his school blazer over his arms tighter, the bitter wind causing him to shiver against the fraying fabric. He desperately needed a new school blazer; this one was from middle school and only fit because it was his adopted brother, Miyuki's, and at the time it was cool to have clothes just a bit too big. He took a deep breath, wishing Miyuki hadn't moved out so soon. His brother was nineteen, while Sawamura was seventeen. It was hard having him away.

Sawamura smiled when he saw the storefront, the large windows full of colorful flowers and ribbons. He walked in, saluting to his boss, Kataoka Tesshin. He entered the "employee's only" stock room, cramming his books into the small locker and putting his school blazer up on a rusty hook. Then he tied on an oversized apron with the company name 'Tesshin Florist' in cracked print; the apron was so large it had to be wrapped around the young boy's slender waist to resemble a dress.

"Good evening, boss!" Sawamura saluted when he reemerged from the stock area.

"Hello to you, too, Sawamura." Kataoka said.

Sawamura grinned while he walked around the displayed flowers, checking for dead leaves to trim. "Your sunglasses is cool, boss!"

A small giggle alerted them to the woman at the front door: Rei Takishima, Kataoka's girlfriend.

"That's a brand new sunglasses." Rei smiled softly and skirted around Sawamura to get a closer look at some white poppy flowers, delicately lifting the petals with her hands and taking in the scent.

Rei and Kataoka suddenly remember that Sawamura nearly failed his sophomore year sports class, almost having to quit his job at the flower shop, until Kataoka decided to help Sawamura study at work since he clearly didn't at home.

"It's only been a month," Kataoka told Rei. "We can't let Sawamura fail Sports. I can't have my best worker quitting on me."

Sawamura pulled a browning flower from the back of a display. "I'm your only worker," he laughed.

"I know." Kataoka said.

The door had an old bell attached to it, dinging loudly whenever a patron entered. The bell dinged loudly as a regular, Masuko, came into the florescent-lit shop.

"Hello, Masuko-senpai!" Sawamura called from behind a large potted sunflower.

"Hello, Sawamura-chan!" Masuko replied in his usual happy face. He continued to the counter, talking briefly with Kataoka as Sawamura cut a few sunflowers by the stems and wrapped them up. He thanked Masuko while he handed Kataoka his money.

"My mother will love these." Masuko smiled.

He was gone in an instant and Kataoka's eye twinkled before he pounced. "Pop quiz."

Sawamura moaned. His boss, to ensure he didn't fail, hammered him with pop quizzes on sports (focusing on baseball) randomly throughout work days. To make sure Sawamura didn't forget, he'd ask the same questions multiple times. Kataoka said he didn't want Sawamura to skate through life on beginner's luck. kataoka tossed a candy bar to the boy (the traditional reward for correct quiz answers), who snatched it up greedily and ate it instantly. He hummed in contentment.

Rei swept the floor and watched the boys from afar, feeling warm inside, proud them. Ever since Sawamura began working for them he's been like family, even if he doesn't know it yet. There was something charming about the teen. Rei checked her watch, calling out, "Sawamura, honey, it's seven. Time to go home." She was always surprised when Sawamura would frown and quickly recover at the idea. The three of them did one more sweep of the shop, cleaning up the rest of the spilled dirt or fallen petals. They sent Sawamura out ahead of them while they locked the shop up.

"Good night, boss! Good night, Rei-san!"

Sawamura fumbled with his school blazer as he walked down the dimly-lit sidewalk before remembering it had been busted since January.

"I really need a new blazer..." he hummed to himself.

It was nearly eight o'clock by the time he returned home and, though he lived close to work and school, he made an effort to be late on his return trips. His parents didn't need to know it only took ten to twenty minutes on a good day to get to town or to school.

Sawamura gripped his books to his chest tightly as he shifted his weight from one foot to another, eventually gaining the courage to open the front door, which was unlocked as usual. The floorboards creaked under his weight and the door made a loud wood-on-wood scratching noise since the door wasn't aligned right with the frame. The house was cheap and everyone knew it, though that was far from why Sawamura never had guests over. Or friends. Or anyone.

He toed his shoes off, carrying them in his other hand as he walked to his room. In all honestly he was surprised no one stopped him yet. His father was usually on the living room couch (being the first room you enter when you enter the house). His mother was always in her bedroom, another place he had to pass through to enter his small sanctum. Remembering the teacher note he, for once, hoped frantically they hadn't left without telling him again. He knew he was in trouble for having a note, but he was dead if they had to get called by the school.

Sawamura made it to his bedroom, pushing the solid door open with his shoulder. The doorknob was broken and in the kitchen drawer, leaving his room to be the easiest one in the entire house to "break into." He stopped when he saw his parents sitting on his bed, the mattress sagging heavily under their combined weight and the broken spring box. They looked livid and their eyes told them they had been drinking.

His father drinking alone was bad. His mother drinking alone was bad. His father and mother drinking together? Sawamura was inevitably screwed.

His father with a rockability hair style was a large man and very mean. His mother was the seventeen-year old who he married in a teenage act of rebellion against her parents. Neither had graduated school, and both blamed it all on Sawamura. Miyuki was adopted when their mom was eighteen, but Miyuki wasn't around to be yelled at anymore. Logic took a backseat and anger took control of everything and anything.

"What is this?" Sawamura's mother slurred, holding up a beginning-of-the-year test Sawamura took (and failed) in Sports.

"F? You failed a fucking test on where boys love sports?"

"Sorry, mom..." Sawamura panicked. "It was to see how much we already knew and they teach baseball differently from middle school did—"

The rage in his father's eyes stopped him dead in his tracks. "What?" he screamed.

His father continued to yell. He was accusing Sawamura of trying to lie, though Sawamura couldn't make out half the words. His father was already on his feet, his arm swung back and hit Sawamura's cheek so hard it knocked him and his belongings on the dirty floor.

His eyes stung and he opened them to see his sprawled out notebooks and an empty liquor bottle. His father stepped over him (not before stepping on his hand) and turned to his wife, slurring for her to come with him before walking out to collapse on the couch.

His drunken mother narrowed her eyes when he saw Sawamura weakly pull his books together in a pile, the teacher's note falling freely to the floor. "What's that?"

Sawamura swallowed. "A... a teacher note..."

"The fuck did you do this time?"

He stumbled to his feet, taking his father's place on the bed and handing the note over. "I was late to class again… he wants to talk with you about it…"

Another smack on the cheek had him reeling while his mother angrily walked away with the note, slamming the door the best she could. Sawamura stared at the round hole in the wood, barely making out his mother walking in the direction of her room. The loud snores of his father calmed him down and the fear crept away, though never fully leaving. He curled up under his blanket, closing his eyes, forcing his burning cheek against the cool pillow.

Sawamura woke up earlier than usual that day, before either his parent. His luck was turning up! The other night his father had beat him so hard he overslept his alarm, having to run the entire distance from his house to school. His head still ached when he thought about it.

He tip-toed out of his room and into the shared family bathroom. The lock on that door thankfully worked, but it was the only lock in the house to do its job. He peeled his shirt off, tossing it to the floor with the rest of his clothes. The glare of the mirror, broken in two places, brought his attention to his body. His torso was lithe and pale, too pale for a young boy. He lifted his arms above his head, marveling at the thin layer of skin moving over the small muscles. His stomach skin stretched and appeared even flatter than usual, his ribs protruding in even lines while his hip bones pointed outward sharply from his body.

It was no secret to his family that he didn't eat enough. His father and mother liked to use their "extra" money on liquor, lottery tickets… generally some new kind of white-trash money hole. They expected their son to eat at school, sometimes refusing to feed him dinner or breakfast because he "would get fat and expect food every day." He inhaled evenly and tried to calm his aching, contorting stomach. He slipped away from the mirror before he could get further lost in his own skin, stepping gingerly into the shower and washing himself as quickly as he could with their limited soap and hot water.

Once the shower was done Sawamura snuck back to his bedroom, not surprised to see his father still asleep on the couch. He changed, throwing his old clothes on his bed, and grabbed his school supplies before heading to the front door. He paused when he saw the teacher note sitting on the kitchen table; he picked it up, reading it for the first time since his English teacher scribbled it out.

_Mr. and Mrs. Sawamura,_

_It has come to my attention that your son, Eijun, has trouble arriving to school on time. This has been an on-going occurrence and today was his third late arrival since the start of the school year. I would like to talk with you about your son's current progress and home situation to affirm whether he is truthful in his excuses for being late. It disrupts the teachings of my class and hinders not just his education, but that of the entire class. Tomorrow (September 15) would be ideal to speak with you about his behavior. Please sign this note to prove you have read it and whether or not you can attend the meeting._

Eijun's grip of the white page tightened and crinkled the dirtying paper. How could his teacher say that? To write to his parents in such an arrogant way, as if they were children themselves. He may be late often but it's always under five minutes! In fact, he was there on time more often than the teacher himself, who comes in half the time with the excuse of having car trouble. This note made him sound even worse than he was at coming to school. And to top it off that line about him being truthful makes it sound as if he was making up lies of grandeur!

Eijun had never been so mad at a teacher in his high school life. The bright red marker bleeding through the bottom of the page displayed his mother's response, likely a drunken one from the night before.

_Tomorrow works for us. Thank you for bringing this to our attention._

His mother's name was scrawled in tight, overlapping letters. He easily could have forged the note if his handwriting was that sloppy. Eijun glanced at the bright time on the oven clock, sighing at what he knew would be a bad day at school.

Knowing the teacher had a penchant for ruining his plans, Eijun left home early so he could stop by Tesshin Florist to tell Kataoka he might not be able to make it to work that night.

"I'm sorry, boss!" Sawamura bowed. "But my English teacher is a real dick!"

Kataoka and Rei both chuckled, knowing Sawamura to be a sweet energetic boy but it was hilarious whenever he used language like that.

"It's okay, Sawamura." Rei winked. "You work too hard. Study your sports tonight with your free time, yeah?" Kataoka nodded in agreement, patting Sawamura on the head.

"Now get to school, and be back tomorrow with your textbook." Kataoka said while Sawamura groaned because, first he has to sit through a parent-teacher conference with the three people he disliked being alone with most, and now he has to give his boss more ammunition for pop quizzes? Today was not his day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Thank you, Sawamura."

Handing in the note wasn't as painful as he thought it would be—though the snickers from Sawamura's classmates was just as bad. It was decided that his parents would come after school to talk with his teacher, which he had to be present for. Going home today was going to be a whole new level of pain.

The day passed all too quickly for Sawamura, the coiling fear in his stomach winding tighter and tighter as the day moved forward. He was so distracted in his art class that he spent the entire hour helping Furuya with his own painting instead. Sawamura knew Furuya would be a better distraction, since painting on his own was just time for him to focus and he did not want to focus on what would surely happen after school. Furuya was thrilled to have help mixing colors and applying them, though Haruichi watched from the sidelines with some doubt in his mind for why the artistic Sawamura would give up his own work time.

It was soon seventh period, the last class for the day and Sawamura's study hall. This was the left-over class—each student was assigned a study period if their schedule needed another class. It was seen by everyone, even administrators, as a filler period. This meant all grades were mixed in since it wasn't level-specific in any way. Sawamura's study hall was a mixture of mostly senior students, making him an anomaly being the only junior there.

Right after this hour he would have to wait for his parents in his English class. The knowledge was burning through him and made his stomach churn and growl at him.

"Sawamura, is something the matter?"

Sawamura jumped, startled by the deep voice. Looking up he was met with the cool, yellow eyes of Takigawa Chris Yu, his close friend despite being a year ahead and vastly different. This friendship was an enigma to anyone who knew them, knowing they were from different worlds by sight alone. Chris was serious, smart and strong; Sawamura was known for being stupid, loudmouthed and clumsiness.

Sawamura stumbled over his worlds, only making weird noises until he could get out, "I'm fine, Chris-senpai!" he bowed.

"That's not true." Chris stated as he sat next to the younger boy. "You're obviously upset by something."

Damn Chris and his concern. "My dick English teacher has a meeting with my parents today because I'm late to class too much…!" Sawamura said.

Chris blinked. He never did understand why his friend got so worked up over his parents. "Don't let it bother you, Sawamura. You'll feel better once you get it over with."

The anxiety grew within Sawamura. "Yeah, you're right…!"

"Are you hungry?" Chris asked and pulled a candy bar from his bag, which was loosely hanging from his chair. "You like sweets?"

The turning of Sawamura's stomach continued, gurgling loudly. He took the candy, nibbling on it carefully and slowly, a newfound need for it growing, not knowing anymore if he was nervous or just starving. Sawamura and Chris chatted through the class, even studying briefly the topics Sawamura knew would be on his next sports test. For the first time that day Sawamura felt okay, even forgetting about the meeting.

He smiled like his usual self. Chris was glad to see a real smile instead of that forced one his young friend liked to wear whenever he was nervous about some new mystery topic. The ringing of the bell brought Sawamura back to reality. The pain in his flat stomach returned tenfold as he gathered his books and walked with Chris to his class.

Sawamura flinched when he felt the big hand of his senpai on his shoulder, a comforting motion. "Deep breaths, Sawamura. You'll feel better when you get back home."

Sawamura smiled at his attempt and said his farewells before begrudgingly entering the classroom. Ochiai motioned him over to a desk near his own, murmuring that they would begin once Sawamura's parents got there. And after twenty minutes of soul-crushing waiting, they arrived. Sawamura recognized their "best" clothes with their "best" parent faces on. If he didn't know any better he'd say they were decent people. Those fuckers were good. And so the conference went on. Mr. and Mrs. Sawamura feigned shock at the idea that their precious son could slack off and be so late so often! They raised him better than that! They would be sure to punish him accordingly when they arrived home.

"Do not worry." Sawamura's father calmly told Ochiai, "We will make sure Eijun arrives early from now on."

Sawamura's mother thanked Ochiai for his time and the three exited the room together, the perfect act of a normal family. They hopped in their old car. The ride was nerve-wracking and the air was thicker than ever. The sight of their trashy home came into view. The car slowed into the driveway, making questionable hacking noises as it did so. Together they entered their home, one by one, the heavy door closing behind them. Sawamura turned to face his parents, both with matching looks of growing anger, pent up since the meeting.

Sawamura didn't even have time to brace himself before his mother's sharp hand struck his cheek, and his father's thicker fist came crashing down on him right on the collar bone. Sawamura cried out as he backed into the kitchen wall divider, hurting his back in the process. His father continued to beat on him until he was a cowering mass on the floor. That was the best method for tiring out his dad, which he learned partly from Miyuki: _don't fight back, don't cry, and don't run._

It felt like hours before his father had finished up. His parents lazily grabbed their keys, strolled out the door, and left. Sawamura heard the engine of their car sputtering before driving away, likely to a bar or a friend's house. Sawamura never really knew, he didn't care. It meant he was safe from more beatings for the night. It would be a lie to say he wasn't a little concerned when he felt a sharp pain in his head upon sitting up from his spot on the floor. Even worse was the hot, sticky feeling running down his hair to his neck, and the smeared spots of blood on the floor and the wall. Sawamura reached back to touch his head but shrieked in surprise when it was more painful than usual.

_This wasn't good. This wasn't good at all._

Sawamura felt a sudden wave of terror go through him as his vision blurred. He leaned forward on his knees, bracing the floor with one hand while using the other to cover his mouth as his breaths grew ragged. Adrenaline was good, he knew, for a quick run to the bathroom or somewhere safe to heal. The splitting headache behind his eyes, however, told him he would need a little more this time than a few bandages and ice pack. This was bad. His parents' sober beatings were so much stronger without the alcohol to slow them down or make them sloppy.

Sawamura flashed back to school today, before he was bleeding out on the floor with potential brain damage. When he was safe and relatively unharmed and the fear was the only thing hurting him.

"Deep breaths, Eijun!" He gasped for air, sobbing a bit when it sent a wave of pain slowly through his skull. The worst part was he knew he had no more supplies—the bandages were all used up from the other day and he didn't think it was safe to take pain medicine and potentially fall asleep and die.

Sawamura struggled to his feet, moaning as his toes cracked underneath him. Broken? Snap. Broken. He limped to the couch, only a few feet away but as painful as walking on glass (or in his case, broken toes). His head wasn't bleeding profusely but he still needed something to cover up the gash; so he began today's journey: _walking into town, to the pharmacy, to inconspicuously buy himself supplies while also hiding the fact his parents had just beaten him so badly he was having a hard time staying conscious on his feet._

A baseball cap was left on the couch arm, which would have to do for hiding his misery to the public. The floorboards creaked as he hobbled outside, mentally noting that he'd need to ask Kataoka quickly for an advance on his paycheck.

Sawamura hobbled for nearly an hour to get into the town, hunched over and holding himself, hissing through his teeth at the bitter air mixing with his bruising skin and aching feet. The flower shop came into view and he sighed in relief knowing he was one step closer to fixing himself up.

The bell dinged loudly and ripped through his ears when he limped in the store, taking smaller steps in an attempt to hide it. Rei peaked over some flowers and frowned when she saw Sawamura. Something was definitely off about him.

"Sawamura!" She called. He cringed. "You have the day off, what are you doing here?"

Sawamura's smile was fake as ever, mixed with his cringe from the loud noises invading his head. "Oh, Rei-san," his voice cracked. "I just need to ask the boss for an advance…!"

"Your payday is tomorrow." Rei said. The state of the young boy was more apparent now that she could get a better look at him. Sawamura's school uniform were disheveled and his hair was messy under his cap. "Hold on, Sawamura. I'll get Tesshin."

"Thank you!" Sawamura bowed.

Rei hurried to the back room where Kataoka was sorting through paperwork as he always did on such slow days. He knew something was wrong before Rei could even begin ranting her worry for Sawamura. They both came out, finding Sawamura now leaning against the counter with his one foot lifted from the floor slightly. Sawamura smiled at the two, doing his best to suppress his pain. It took all of Kataoka's will power not to gasp when he saw Sawamura's face, complete with a bruising cheek and a cut on his forehead that had a dried blood trailing down to his nose. Times like now made him wonder if the young boy even owned a mirror.

"Sawamura, what happened?"

The smile faltered. "I—"

"You're bleeding!" Rei's concerned voice supplied.

Sawamura's eyes opened wide when he realized he had been caught. Where was he bleeding from? There was no way they could see his head under the cap. The adults approached him slowly and noted the small flinch when Rei reached out and moved away some stray hairs from Sawamura's forehead with her silky-soft fingers. Sawamura didn't like all the attention he was getting right now.

"Never mind, I should get going—" Sawamura quickly backed away, stumbling over his broken toes and nearly falling, being caught by the wrists by Kataoka.

The sudden movement caused another head rush to melt into his brain. Sawamura swayed a bit, being steadied by Rei and Kataoka. They grabbed his arms firmly as he placed his hand to his head, eyes screwed shut, breathing heavy.

Before Sawamura could argue they were helping him walk outside, to the parking lot, and laying him down in the backseat of their car. The pain echoed in his body but the seats were a much needed change. His eyes were closed and he felt himself drifting away as the car doors closed and concerned voices spoke in tones that got quieter and quieter until everything went silent.

Sawamura woke up when he felt a pair of arms lifting him to a sitting position. Kataoka was leaning outside the car, helping him up while the pain flooded back to his skin.

"What's happening, boss?" Sawamura weakly mumbled.

"We're getting you help." Kataoka replied.

Bright lights and sirens invaded his senses next. "Hospital?"

"Yes."

"I can't afford…"

"We'll take care of it."

"My parents…"

Kataoka pulled Sawamura out of the car and Rei came around to help support the teen. "Don't worry about them, Sawamura."

The next couple of hours were a blur. Sawamura was carted off with some nurses and away from the comfort of his bosses. He faintly remembered being looked over, questioned about his pain, taken to get his head scanned, and finally getting stiches in his scalp and having his toes set. Kataoka and Rei hurried to his side once they were allowed to see him again in the curtained-off room of temporary patients. It was heartbreaking to see him lying on a gurney with bandages wrapped around his head. Sawamura was tired and, now, painless. When did they give him medicine?

Next thing Sawamura knew he was being helped into a wheelchair by someone much stronger than him and rolled away. He couldn't say he fell asleep again, but he wasn't fully awake either. The apparent pain medicine in his system made him feel heavy and light at the same time. It was like floating through a fog and it was a strange but welcome feeling.

The cold air meant he was outside again and the arms around his waist meant he was being helped back into the car. It was the most soothing thing he'd ever experienced—painless, tired, and in a humming car. Sawamura was surprised to open his eyes and be met with an ache in his head, no longer painless, and a warmth all around his body. Further inspection told him he was in a bed. It was weird to be in a car then a moment later in a house. The entire drive was lost to his memory.

Sawamura sat up, cringing only slightly. This wasn't his room, or his house. It was light outside.

"Oh shit!"

It was Friday and he wasn't in school. He was so screwed.

Soft footsteps echoed in the room until the door opened with Rei carrying a small tray of food in. "You're awake," Rei smiled. Sawamura looked on in confusion. "We called the school, Tesshin drove up there himself to give the principal the note from the hospital. You're excused today."

"B-but, my parents…!"

"They must be worried sick… We have a phone you can use."

"We don't have a phone," Sawamura lied in a mumbled. "Can I go home?"

Sawamura sat in silence while his caretaker considered the options. He was hurt and needed help, but it would be wrong to keep him there while his parents were most likely worrying their heads off at their house since their child never came home last night. Said child was looking very anxious in his bed, and Rei was getting the haunting feeling that it wasn't because he couldn't call his mom and dad.

"We need to have a talk first," Rei said softly, sitting on the bed next to the boy. Sawamura cringed lightly at the movement as the motion reminded him of his bruises.

"About what?" Sawamura's voice cracked.

"You never said how you got hurt." There was a silence, neither of the two wanting to break it but knowing the young boy would have to. The way his eyes looked anywhere but at her own told her something was wrong, like Sawamura wanted to keep this a secret. It was like he was embarrassed to be there and to be damaged at all, like he wanted to be anywhere but here.

"I, uh…!" Sawamura's voice was a pitch higher, giving away his nervousness. "I was walking home after school, and…!"

"Yes, Sawamura? Then…?"

"And… I guess I took a wrong turn, and before I knew it some guy was beating on me…!"

The information made Rei gasp. "Oh my, how did you get away?"

"They got tired and left!" Sawamura said truthfully. "They left me there, so I got up and left, too…!"

Rei frowned and gently held Sawamura's hand for a moment, taking in everything. How could someone hurt him, this sweet young boy? He was the happiest, kindest teenager she had ever met. Poor Sawamura must be an easy target, being so passive.

"I'll take you home once Tesshin comes back," Rei said softly. "He has the car."

"Where did the boss go?"

"The pharmacy," Rei smiled. "To get you something for the pain. Thank heavens the doctor said you didn't have any damage to your head, other than what needed a few stiches."

Being here in this bed was making Sawamura feel strange. Was this jealously? Was he actually getting envious of this home, this warm bed, these nice adults who treat him so kindly rather than his own family who abandons him and beats him?

Then Sawamura felt selfish. He felt like he was being ungrateful—he at least had a home with some food and an actual, biological family. He shouldn't be so mad they put him in his place every once in a while. Maybe he deserved this. If he wasn't late to school so much this wouldn't be a problem.

But he was late because they hurt him and he overslept!

No. He was late because he wasn't responsible enough to get up on time. He was just like his brother Miyuki: _lazy_. That's what his parents and teachers always said, and he had little reason to refute it. There was no evidence against it, but rather for it.

Rei noticed the Sawamura's change in demeanor, how his eyes dropped a touch and how he was being so uncharacteristically quiet, even for an assault victim.

"Are you feeling okay, Sawamura?"

Sawamura's eyes met hers, and he mumbled, "Just tired…"

Rei frowned again. Sawamura was surprised when she moved to sit beside him, getting comfortable in the bed and over the blankets. Rei pulled the young boy to her chest, making Sawamura's head rest against her shoulder. She traced her fingers through Sawamura's hair, careful of the bandage and the stitched area, soothingly raking her trimmed nails against his scalp.

Rei hummed as she played with his hair, acting as the ultimate mother figure in his life. Sawamura figured she felt bad for what happened to him, bless her big heart, so he let it happen. He was doing this for Rei, not for him. He was letting her feel important and motherly. Sawamura totally didn't like this or need this, no.

He had his own mom. She smacked him around and yelled at him, but still. He had a mom.

This was the comfiest Sawamura had ever felt touching another person. He couldn't remember the last time his mom ever did this for him. Back when he and Miyuki were little, things were different; their parents actually loved them. Things changed when his dad lost his job and when his mom started drinking. Things fell apart so fast it was as if baseball match had played out in their house. And soon Sawamura was asleep again, caught up in his thoughts and the warm embrace of the mother he wished he had.

Kataoka came home to a silent house, carrying a paper bag with medicine for his young worker. Upon entering the guest room he found the sweetest sight before him: his girlfriend or soon to be wife cradling a sleeping Sawamura, looking at him like he was her own child.

Rei glanced up, whispering, "Sawamura woke up earlier."

"How is it?" Kataoka asked, sitting down in a chair and setting the bag down on the foot of the bed.

"He wants to go home." Rei frowned.

"Certainly not! He's not leaving this bed until I say he can move."

Rei bit her lip and looked down at the boy. "Help me lay him down. I don't want to wake him."

Kataoka reached around the other side of the bed, slipping the small teen back onto the overstuffed pillow, readjusting the blankets as well. They were relieved Sawamura was still out, though he likely still had the hospital medicine in his system.

"I worry about that kid." Kataoka mumbled.

"I do, too, Tesshin. Sawamura seemed so sad when he woke up, so afraid. What if he's not telling us something? What if he's being bullied at school?"

With a sad sigh, Kataoka sat back down, saying, "It's none of our business, sadly. We're not his parents."

"Oh?" Rei raised an eyebrow. "This coming from the man who just said he wouldn't allow Sawamura to leave until he said so? We can't keep him here… he wants to go home."

"We can call his home."

"He said they don't have a phone."

Kataoka sighed. "Fine. We'll feed him, give him some medicine, and take him back if he's feeling well enough."

Neither of them were happy with the solution or the situation, and they'd keep Sawamura with them forever if they could. But this wasn't a movie and there was no fairytale ending waiting to be fallen into. This was a questionable teenager who wants nothing more than to go home when he can't even stand on his own.

A few hours later Sawamura was awake again, sleepy but coherent and understanding of his surroundings. He happily ate what Rei fed him—this would be the best he'd eat until a friend would take pity and invite him over for dinner or give him candy in class. That is, until Chris invited him over or gave him candy like he was prone to. Sawamura tried to fight Kataoka on the pain medicine, saying he felt fine and could walk home when they offered him a ride.

"Your toes are broken and your head has stitches," Kataoka stated, tutting. "That alone calls for a few of these," he jiggled the generic orange bottle in his hand. "And with those toes I won't allow you to walk anywhere for a while."

"Then how am I supposed to get places?"

"You have friends with cars."

"How do I get to school?"

"The bus."

"But how—"

Kataoka popped the lid off the bottle and shook a few capsules onto his palm. "Enough! When you get home you can ask your parents what to do. While you're with me, I'll make the decisions. No walking, and no enduring pain when it's unnecessary. Take these."

But it was necessary. It was so very, very necessary in his life. There wasn't a single day that passed without something hurting. When his parents weren't there, it was his mind. The doubts and questions and demands for why him and the guilt for being so ungrateful. Sawamura took the pills, drinking them down and finishing his food from his comfy, temporary bed.

"Good," Kataoka smiled. "If you're feeling well in an hour we'll drive you home."

Sawamura laid back in his bed, relaxing as much as he could before he had to go home (before he got to go home), when…

"Pop quiz." Kataoka said.

Sawamura groaned and nuzzled into his pillow. Even when he was laid up in bed he couldn't escape this!

The three experienced mixed feelings as they hobbled to the parked car, adults both trying to help Sawamura. They got to the car, Rei stopping to help Sawamura with his seatbelts despite him having no damage to his hands. She made Kataoka feel warm sometimes with the motherly things she did.

Sawamura gave them instructions as they drove, trying his best to remember the nicest route to his trashy home. He knew the surrounding area, no matter what, would be ugly and gross but he could at least try to make it seem less so.

Kataoka furrowed his eyebrows when he pulled into the driveway, littered with cigarette butts and random broken glass. The door was uneven in the hinges and the front windows were broken, held together by duct tape or covered with cardboard. The lawn was overgrown and there were dented trashcans on their sides with raccoons and cats riffling through.

Sawamura tried not to panic when he noticed his parents' car was still gone, as if they never came home. Or maybe they came home and saw he was gone and left again? They'd be so pissed he ran off, _oh God_, and when they find out he had been to the hospital with some other couple paying for it? He was so screwed.

This was so bad and it was getting harder to breathe and—

"Sawamura?" Rei placed a hand awkwardly on his shoulder from the passenger seat. "Are you okay? Breathe, Sawamura, it's okay."

Oh no, now Sawamura was having a panic attack. They're going to know something is wrong and they're going to find out his parents hit him and it was them who broke him so bad. They're going to know and they'll have the hospital records and they'll be taken away from him and Miyuki will hate him even more and—

Rei was now in the backseat with him, rubbing his back and talking to him lowly but he couldn't hear it. Kataoka was now at his other side, at the open car door, holding his hand. When did they get there?

"Sawamura, calm down," Rei cooed. "Calm down and tell us what's wrong so we can fix it."

Fix it? More like ruin everything he'd been working toward.

After a few minutes Sawamura was able to focus on Rei's voice and take deep breaths. The hyperventilating was making him dizzy and he used his free hand to hold his head.

"I'm so sorry…!" Sawamura choked out, finally catching his breath. Quickly coming up with an excuse, he muttered, "My parents aren't home. I just… worry!"

The couple exchanged skeptical looks but helped Sawamura up anyway, almost carrying him to the door, which was unlocked but still difficult to open. They were shocked to see the state of his home, destroyed further inside than outside.

Rei tugged Kataoka's sleeve behind Sawamura's back and pointed to the kitchen wall, and he felt sick seeing the smeared blood on the tile that slipped down to the floor… about where someone sitting would rest against.

Things began to make sense.

Sawamura turned around and smiled, "Thank you for bringing me home!" He was happy, but still tired.

"Let us stay," Rei asked. "To make sure you're alright. We can make you dinner if your parents aren't back by then."

Sawamura's smile faded. "That's okay, they're usually out late and they wouldn't like it if I was mooching from my bosses!"

Kataoka stepped forward, helping Sawamura (somewhat against his will) to sit on the shabby, patchy couch. More dust filtered from the stained cushions and he could swear he saw a small beetle scurrying out from one of the holes exposing browning, yellow cushion foam.

"Sawamura," Kataoka said quietly, opting to sit across from him on the coffee table rather than risk the couch. "Why wouldn't your parents want us here?"

Sawamura stopped, trying to think of something reasonable to say. Rei stood there, glancing around the torn home. She saw the busted doorknobs and the assorted alcohol bottles on the floor, some partially hidden by discarded laundry. She could see into Sawamura's own room, filled with shabby excuses for furniture and discarded bandage boxes on the floor.

She remembered when they took him to the hospital.

_"What's happening, boss?" Sawamura weakly mumbled._

_"We're getting you help." Kataoka replied._

_Bright lights and sirens invaded his senses next. "Hospital?"_

_"Yes."_

_"I can't afford…"_

_"We'll take care of it."_

_"My parents…"_

Sawamura's parents. Why didn't he want them to know he was beat up? Why didn't he want them to know he was at the hospital? Why would he hide that he was hurt from them?

And Rei considered, maybe Sawamura wasn't hiding it from his parents. Maybe he was hiding his parents from them.

Kataoka _tsked,_ stating, "This is no place for you to be right now. You could easily step on something and hurt your toes worse. Does this house even have running water? I can't risk my best employee getting an infection on top of his broken bones."

"But my parents—"

"Aren't here."

Sawamura stopped and stared at his boss, wide-eyed. "They'll be back soon, I know they will be!"

"And we can help explain to them what happened."

Suddenly Sawamura felt himself panicking again, hurriedly crying out, "No!"

Kataoka and Rei stared at him, stunned. "Sawamura, Tesshin's right. You're better off at our home, where we can make sure you're healing right."

"No, I'm better off here. I can heal by myself, I'm fine alone, so just go already!"

Sawamura seemed full of surprises today. They had never seen him act so frantically before and it was unsettling, especially since he was choosing this kind of damaged environment to stay in.

There was a knocking on the door behind them, causing Sawamura to jump a bit before biting out, "See? They're back and you can go away now."

Those words hurt Rei to hear, but she knew Sawamura didn't mean what he said. He was such a sweet boy, yet he was acting so… wrong. Rei turned around, opening the door and letting the boys stay seated. She felt her heart drop when she was faced with two police officers instead of whoever Sawamura's parents were.

"Is this the Sawamura residence?" asked a tall man.

Rei turned to see Sawamura, who looked surprised and like he was ready to panic again.

"Yes, it is," she whispered, feeling her stomach drop.

"May we come in?" asked a shorter cop.

Rei glanced back at the boys before nodding. They entered the run-down home, keeping their professional straight faces from showing their disgust at the wreck.

The cop cleared his throat and stepped forward. "We're sorry to say that Mr. and Mrs. Sawamura died late last night."

The room began spinning as Sawamura processed what he heard. "Mom and dad are dead?!" His eyes quickly welled up and he was crying before the officers could confirm it. He sat there, sobbing on the couch while the officers spoke with his caregivers. Time passed so slowly in this moment while he took it all in.

It was his fault. Whatever it was, it was his fault.

Rei took a card from the taller man and he left. They heard the sound of the car engine fading out as they drove away. She turned back to the Sawamura, who was trying his best to stop his tears. Kataoka was at his side again, rubbing Sawamura's back while he sobbed uncontrollably. Rei walked to his bedroom, picking up Sawamura's school bag and trying her best to find his books and some clothes and uniforms. Anything he'd want for the time being.

Rei saw a small framed picture, the glass shattered, laying on his dresser. It was him as a baby, with another boy wearing glasses, both sitting on an older man's lap. The frame had Grandpa Eitoku written on it in faded marker. Rei gently placed it in the bag between a couple shirts after shaking the loose glass from it. Rei came back out to the living room, where Sawamura's cries had died down enough for him to breathe a little easier. She had never seen someone look so miserable before.

Kataoka caught her eye and he gently stood Sawamura up, walking him to the door. Sawamura didn't fight it in the slightest bit. He just stumbled through the door and back to the car, laying down in the back, suddenly exhausted. Rei placed the bag near her feet as they got in the car and began to drive back away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The car ride was somber at best. It broke Rei's heart every time she heard one of Sawamura's strangled sobs. They were all pretty upset, though nothing was as bad compared to Sawamura.

They pulled back into their home, the sky darkening as they left the car. Kataoka was helping the teenager while Rei carried the backpack, hoping she packed it sufficiently because there was no way she was having Sawamura go back into that house.

They entered their home, Sawamura's limping making the only sound as his shoes echoed against the hardwood floors. Kataoka helped him to his room while Rei stood in the doorway, saddened for the poor boy. She sighed and sat the bag on the couch of their living room before she disappeared into the office.

Kataoka sat with Sawamura on the guest bed, trying his best to console the suffering boy. He was a sobbing mess and trying so hard not to cry, failing obviously and wiping his wet cheeks with his palms. The tears wouldn't stop and all the crying was making his throat sore and dry and he almost felt like he was drowning. His eyes burned considerably and he was surprised to feel a soft tissue wiping his tears, Kataoka unable to watch him rub his own eyes anymore. When Sawamura rubbed his eyes, he had to wipe the tears off on his pants, and his lap had darkened wet spots. It broke Kataoka's heart to see.

The sobs radiated to the office, where Rei sat behind the desk and on her old laptop. It buzzed and whirled as she clicked around, trying to find some kind of family of Sawamura's to contact. She stumbled upon the young boy's Facebook page, recognizing his bright, happy face on the profile. After a few clicks Rei found Sawamura's older brother, Kazuya Miyuki, recognizing his name from Sawamura's stories and his face. She mumbled to herself as she composed a message and sent it to Miyuki, hoping Rei wasn't overstepping her boundaries. Afterward she stepped out to check on the young teenager, who was leaning on Kataoka and crying into his shoulder while the older man patted Sawamura's back awkwardly. Rei sat on the other side of Sawamura and hugged him, kissing the back of his head. And Sawamura cried even harder, mad at himself for wishing these were his parents and for forgetting his late parents for that brief second.

They hushed him and hugged him until Sawamura was calm enough to stop his crying, his eyes felt heavy and hot and his cheeks were almost raw from all the wiping. They retreated to the living room, which was adjacent to the kitchen, where they sat on the couches and gave the poor boy some water after he mumbled about being thirsty. Kataoka stood up, announcing he would go order pizza and they would watch some movies to brighten the mood. Sawamura smiled lightly at the thought of getting dinner, which was never definite at his home. Sawamura had loved movies too, particularly adventure movies.

Rei happened to have a collection of said movies, and she and Sawamura picked out a few to watch and began on movie as Kataoka returned to them. They would do anything to keep Sawamura from crying again, and tonight was the start of it.

Sawamura yawned half-way through the movie, having already eaten the pizza they ordered and now growing tired from the events of the day. He tried his best to stay awake, falling asleep against Rei, who had been stroking his hair the entire time in a deceitfully calming manner.

Rei and Kataoka shared a look, both happy to see the boy asleep. Kataoka stood up and left for the guest room, returning with a pillow and comforter. They draped it around their ward and watched Sawamura sleep for a few minutes before they got comfy on the other couch, not ready at all to leave him just yet.

Monday came and Chris was surprised to see his close friend was still absent. Sawamura wasn't often absent, though when he was he almost always returned with some kind of small bruise he thought he had hidden beneath a sleeve or shirt. It was always assumed he got in fights a lot—as in, was a punching bag and too passive to fight back. If he was sick or even hurt on Friday, he would have had the entire weekend to recover. What was happening?

Chris hated that Sawamura didn't have a cell phone and he claimed not to have a house phone. Their only contact was through social media, and even then it was very limited (Sawamura once slipped up, mentioning he didn't have a computer and only got to use one at libraries or friends' houses).

It was noon and lunch was underway. Chris was walking to the cafeteria when he stopped by the front office, immediately recognizing the man wearing sunglasses Sawamura worked for, who was speaking to a secretary. He had to know something—he was Sawamura's boss! The tall man was walking out the doors and through the parking lot when Chris ran through the doors and after him, calling out his name.

Kataoka stopped, turning around to see the young man. "Oh, Chris," he flatly greeted. "What is it? The shop is closed today if—"

"Where's Sawamura?"

There was a heated silence. It was obvious Kataoka was hiding something, his lips pursed in thought.

"He's been absent and I'm getting worried!" Chris admitted.

Kataoka stood there, recalling all the times Chris would visit his employee at work or bring him lunch on weekends. "You're close with Sawamura, correct?"

Chris paused, worried. "Yes, we're close."

"If I tell you this, you need to keep it to yourself, okay?"

"Okay, sir."

Kataoka took a deep breath before telling the teenager what had happened—the apparent fight and the closely following death of Sawamura's parents. How the boy had been staying with them temporarily since his closest relative was in province and his brother was harder to find than a speck of dust. He briefly mentioned the beginning process of having to plan a funeral for people he didn't even know and how Sawamura refused to not help, wanting to make sure it was worthy. He even called his grandpa in province and spoke about it.

Chris paled, shocked to hear so much happened in so little time. It surprised Kataoka when he followed him deeper into the parking lot, calling to him, "I'm going to see Sawamura, sir."

"It's the middle of the school day!" Kataoka replied, incredulous.

"This is more important. It's senior year, I can take a half-day."

And so Chris followed Kataoka on the road and through the streets until they got back to the house in the nice, neatly-trimmed neighborhood. This was definitely his home.

Chris followed him inside, shocked to see Sawamura sitting on the couch with Rei to his side, turned with his head facing away while she dabbed alcohol to the stitched gash in the back of his skull. The brown hair around his cut was darker, though it was hard to tell if it was from the alcohol or seeping blood. Rei finished up, re-bandaging it. Kataoka cleared his throat and the two turned, surprised to see the visitor.

"C-Chris-senpai!" Sawamura cried. He stumbled over his broken toes on his way to bow. "How are you?"

"Sawamura!" Chris gently patted his friend's shoulder. "Are you okay? Who did this? I'll destroy them."

Sawamura paused, frowning. "I don't know. It just happened." His voice was so flat and dead it was scary.

Rei watched them curiously. "Sawamura, dear, why don't you two go to your room? Go be teenagers."

"Yes!" Sawamura saluted. He happily grabbed Chris' hands and pulled him (slowly) to his guest room.

Meanwhile Rei pulled Kataoka aside and into the office, showing him the Facebook messages between her and Kazuya Miyuki. Rei had been conversing with him since the day before, finally making contact. She had told Miyuki of what happened and Miyuki sent a few short messages back and a promise to get a train ticket back to town to do what was right and plan the funeral.

"You found him!" Kataoka mused. "Sawamura should be happy to have his brother back."

"He needs something good to happen," Rei said back somberly. "Chris was a nice touch, he brightened up so quickly!"

Inside Sawamura's room he was sitting with Chris on his bed, chirping about how soft the sheets were and how much he missed seeing his senpai during the day.

"I was worried when you weren't in school," Chris mumbled. "I was afraid something bad had happened. You tend to come back with bruises…" He trailed off, unsure of what to say or how to explain his worry without sounding too girlish.

"Well, I'm fine!" Sawamura said, unusually happy for someone with such poor luck. It never ceased to amaze Chris how easily this boy could pick himself up after being knocked down.

Chris' ears perked when he heard the familiar sound of a car engine. "Are you expecting company?"

Sawamura tilted his head, confusion written on his face. "No. Why?"

"I hear a car." Chris mumbled.

Rei knocked on his door right before opening it a sliver, announcing there was someone here to see Sawamura.

And Sawamura panicked. _Someone was here to see him and that couldn't be good because Chris was the only visitor and he worried so much and before that he was expecting his parents but got the cops instead and this couldn't be good he was going to lose his bosses and be put in a boys' home and they would pick on him and he would be so alone—_

"Where is he?" the voice cut through Sawamura's thoughts. He calmed down immediately when the door opened wider and his brother stepped in, taking in the sight. "There you are."

Sawamura smiled, ready to cry tears of happiness this time. "Kazuya!" He cringed, stepping on his broken toes again, but hurried the few feet to his brother anyway. The bruise on his collar hurt as he pressed into Miyuki so hard their ribs smashed together.

For once, Miyuki hugged back.

They separated and Miyuki looked at Chris when he helped his little brother back to the bed. "Oh, you're here too, Chris-senpai."

"Kazuya!" Sawamura smiled. "I'm glad you're fine!"

"Of course, I'm fine! By the way who did it, huh? Whose face do I have to smash for hurting you?" Miyuki asked.

The hesitation in Sawamura's voice before he stuttered, "J-just some group of guys I ran into!" told Miyuki all he needed to know.

Miyuki's face softened, "Was it… bad?"

Sawamura gave him a defeated look, replying in murmured secret words between him and his older brother. He didn't want anyone else to understand what they were saying.

Miyuki's face was outraged and his anger came through in his voice. Whatever he was saying was in absolute shock. Chris had no idea they were speaking of their parents—Miyuki's outrage directed at how bad it went.

"They've never been so bad that we needed stitches." Miyuki groaned.

Chris watched as the brothers talked in a mysterious language, amazed either could speak two languages. They were an enigma, the Sawamura and Miyuki brothers. It sounded like Miyuki was actually mad at Sawamura, though Chris wrote it off as being mad he didn't find out sooner.

Kataoka poked his head in the room, announcing it was time for late lunch. Afterward he would pull Miyuki aside to help arrange the funeral, given he was much calmer than his younger brother was about their parents dying. Chris took the hint and sat with Sawamura in his room for hours, distracting him, growing more curious about the young boy.

"So, Sawamura," Chris began, crossing his legs on the edge of the bed. "You never told me you can speak another language. This is the first time I've heard it."

"That's our family language. Our ancestors invented it." Sawamura simply replied.

Chris surprised, he could ask something so personal given that it was obvious his friend had to have come from a mysterious family.

The day dragged on and the night fell upon them before they could catch the last glimpse of day. The adults had spent hours in the office, finalizing their quick funeral plans. The funeral would consist of mostly family… which was about three people. Miyuki sighed, putting his head in his hands at the prospect of it all.

"Are you okay?" Rei asked gently.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." Miyuki said. "It's my idiot brother who's upset. I never gave a care about our parents but for some reason he won't let the bastards go."

"Miyuki!" Kataoka chided. "They just died _Friday_!"

"That's not what I mean," Miyuki sighed. "We were blessed with the worst parents of all time and Eijun hates when anyone badmouths the bastards. They forgot our birthday a few years straight and he apologized for it."

They agreed to get back to planning in the morning and exited the office. They had offered Miyuki their other guest room, but he turned it down saying he'd rather share with his brother. Rei thought that had to be the sweetest thing Miyuki had ever said.

Miyuki stepped out on the back porch for a moment, fingering his pockets trying to catch the corner of his pepero box. On the other end of the porch stood Chris, who was on his phone. He hung up, madly pocketing the device and stumbling when he noticed Miyuki.

"What was that about? Did someone steal your food?" Miyuki laughed.

"Very funny, Miyuki." Chris sighed. Taking a breath he sat down in a weathered patio chair, complete with chipping white paint.

He calmed down and looked out into the sky. "My dad was yelling at me for skipping school and not coming home."

"Oh, the good senpai skipped school now."

"I spent the entire day here when I heard about your brother."

Miyuki smirked. Chris-senpai got himself in trouble because of idiot Sawamura? The guy who was never late to anything ditched school just to see his brother?

"You're alright… for a senpai."

Chris rolled his eyes. He got back up, went inside, and began his farewells to Sawamura. Rei had thanked him for coming and cheering up their sad little boy, then reminded him to keep in contact.

Inside Sawamura had fallen asleep in his bed, tired from the pain medicine Kataoka was making him take until his stitches were to come out. Miyuki watched him from the doorway, a saddened frown on his typically-happy face. He was conflicted how to feel, in all honesty. He was pissed his parents could cause this much damage, Miyuki was ironically sad his parents were dead (though not to the same extent as his idiot brother); Miyuki was jealous and mad to see Chris but thankful he could make his brother so happy than him. He didn't know if he should scream or cry. So instead he slipped his pants off and got into bed as gently as he could, for once not wanting to wake Sawamura.

He fell asleep with a new worry growing in his chest: _What's going to happen to Sawamura?_

Sawamura was happy to see his grandpa Eitoku. Kataoka had gone to pick him up from the train station while Sawamura and Miyuki stayed with Rei at the house. Miyuki complained about how much his rental car was going to cost by the end of this, yet wouldn't listen to Sawamura when he said he didn't have to stay so long after the funeral.

Eitoku entered the house, followed by Kataoka, carrying all of the elder's bags. Sawamura and Miyuki immediately flocked to their grandfather, hugging and slapping (Sawamura's tradition) while muttering greetings and sorrows in their own language.

"Eijun, you've gotten so big!" Eitoku said lightly pinching his grandson's soft cheek carefully, noting the random bandages and bruises. He internally sighed at the sight. "And Kazuya, you're even taller than last time! My grandbabies really are growing up!"

Miyuki smiled, "I'm nineteen, grandpa! I am grown!"

Eitoku chuckled. He stayed with the boys, catching up, while Rei and Kataoka watched from the kitchen. It hit them that this was their only family—those three seemed to only have each other.

Miyuki turned to his grandfather, muttering that the funeral will be Friday and how Kataoka already offered him to stay there with them until he had to leave again. Sawamura visibly saddened at the reminder of the funeral and his grandfather leaving.

A few hours later it was time for Sawamura's newfound, and highly loved, napping. Miyuki had taken up the act years prior, though Sawamura couldn't due to always being at school, work, or home (where he would be promptly yelled at for wasting time napping when it was daylight out). Sawamura limped to his room, excusing himself as he did so. The bed was unmade from when he and Miyuki woke up earlier that day and his toes were aching along with his head, so he took the medicine Kataoka left for him and curled up as much as he could, given the bruises hurt like a bitch.

Miyuki peaked in the room, seeing his brother was already fast asleep. He quietly closed the door and joined the adults in the office, where Rei and Kataoka had been filling in the old man on what had happened recently.

"…just showed up in the shop, bleeding," Kataoka was saying. "It was his day off. We had to take him to the hospital afterward and we didn't know his address, so we kept him here to rest."

Rei nodded, tearing up at the recent memory. "We took him back home the next day and the police came… informing us of what had happened."

Miyuki cringed, thinking of the wreck of a house they had. _Jesus Christ_, and Sawamura let them see the inside of it, too? And the police saw? Good god, how haven't they taken Sawamura away yet?

Eitoku sighed, leaning into his folded hands. "And… how did they… how did my son die?"

Kataoka sighed, quietly telling the old man of when he went to the police station and spoke about the boy's parents deaths and the arrangements to be made regarding Sawamura, who was a minor and, now, an orphan. He recalled the past couple days of running around and filling out paperwork and talking to officials about what would be done. His hair was ready to go white at all the unanticipated stress.

And by the door Miyuki stood quietly, wanting to hear, wanting to know what they'll have to do regarding his brother. He had been with him most of the time he was there and didn't even know how his parents died. He gasped lightly when Kataoka finally announced it had been a car accident.

They had been driving drunk and drove into a ravine. They didn't hurt anyone else, which Miyuki was thankful for, but they were still dead.

"The coroner report," Kataoka interrupted his thoughts. "Read that they were over the legal limit. Your… your son was dangerously so. They said it would have been quick. Very little… suffering… They probably slept through it…"

Miyuki didn't know what came over him. He felt so much in this moment. He was angry they got to die quickly, painlessly, while all they did was fill his and Sawamura's own lives with suffering. He was also relieved they didn't suffer through it—they were his parents and they were once loving. Those happier days flooded back to him, reminding him of the Christmas he and Sawamura got their first bikes or the birthday they all went to the baseball stadium. Why was it getting hard to remember why he hated them?

He looked straight at the ceiling, near the lighting, trying to will away the tears threatening to spill over. No. he couldn't break down, not over here. If his father was there he'd—

"Miyuki, honey, are you okay?" That gentle voice of Rei brought him back down to earth. He looked at her through his tear-muddled eyes and realized how warm his face felt. He didn't know if he was blushing from embarrassment or if he was showing signs of how upset he was.

Rei reached over to him, lightly pulling him in for a hug. He stood awkwardly as she embraced him. Memories flooded back to when he was five and fell off the swing at the park, how his mother who adopted him had hugged him until he stopped his crying.

That was the final straw before Miyuki began crying, much like his idiot brother would whenever their parents were mentioned. He held tightly onto Rei, burying his head in her shoulder. Eitoku stood and joined them, holding onto Miyuki and muttering things that had to have been Sawamura family own language.

The next room over, Sawamura laid awake in bed, eyes wide open, shocked to hear his brother breaking down. Even Miyuki was shaken by this. It took all he could to not make noise as he sobbed into his own pillow, trying so hard to fall back asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Sawamura missed over a week of school following his parents' deaths. It was the day of the funeral and he tried to distract himself with thoughts of what homework he'd have or how much time it'll take to make up. His thought strayed to the looks he would inevitably receive, the pitiful looks and the condolences he didn't want.

"Hey, Eijun, get your shoes on. We have to go soon."

Sawamura glanced up at Miyuki, who was in the doorway, fiddling with his black tie. The younger painstakingly bent down to get the black leather shoes Kataoka was loaning him, pulling them from under the bed. He cringed while trying to put them on until Miyuki scoffed, bending down to do it for him.

"You're seventeen and you still need help putting shoes on, you idiot." Miyuki sighed.

Sawamura chuckled, happy his brother was pretending they weren't about to head to a funeral. It was easier to pretend when everyone else did it with him. They then trudged to the living room, where Chris had been waiting with their grandfather. He was the exact person Sawamura needed, strong and safe and there. Chris actually skipped school for the funeral. As Sawamura would find out, quite a few of his friends skipped school to show support and attend the small ceremony.

They drove in silence until they reached the church. The rest of the day dragged on, heavy and ethereal. Sawamura did his best to hide his receding limp and was thankful he didn't look too banged up anymore. Furuya and Haruichi approached him with gentle hugs and in the background he could faintly hear Toku's voice mixing with his brother's own words.

Toku, Miyuki Toku was Miyuki's real father, who had driven down the few hours to be there for them. The church was filled with mostly friends of the brothers, and only a few actual family members who were distant. The service went on and Miyuki and Sawamura sat together with their grandfather Eitoku, all crying and sobbing but trying their best to keep it tame (with no such luck). They moved on to the church grounds where the matching caskets were being lowered into the ground in side-by-side plots. In his peripheral vision Sawamura saw his brother's real father patting Miyuki's shoulder.

Chris stood by Sawamura, giving in and hugging him while he quietly watched his parents lowered down. Sawamura managed to stay quiet as they were buried and left his life forever. The funeral faded out and they all went home. Haruichi and Furuya gave Sawamura and Miyuki goodbye hugs and sympathetic looks before they walked away. Toku mumbled some words to his son Miyuki and joined him in going back to Kataoka's home.

Sawamura couldn't sleep that night. He was alone in his bed for the first time in a week; Miyuki opting to sleep on the couch with his father and Eitoku was in the other guest room. It was late and everyone would be far asleep by now. He absentmindedly rubbed his eyes, tears completely dried up. He sat for a moment, thinking of how he would spend the next few hours if he couldn't sleep. It was maddening to think he was so incredibly exhausted, yet couldn't sleep. Then he remembered the medicine. It always made him out of it, and his head was getting sore from all his movement against the pillow.

So Sawamura took the bottle, struggling momentarily with the child safety in the dark before he finally got to the prize inside.

As he expected it made him groggy and he finally passed out against the sheets, wishing he could sleep forever.

The first day back at school was one of the hardest things Sawamura had to do after his parents passed. His limp was getting better—that is to say, he was better at hiding it. He convinced Rei, after hours of worrying about how he'd be treated at school, to let him go without the ugly shoes they were so adamant about him wearing. The one other occasion for not wearing it was the funeral.

Sawamura got to his first class, sitting in his usual seat. His classmates glanced at him with a newfound sadness in their eyes rather than the usual blank looks or cold stares when he'd get yelled at for being late or had forgotten his homework (when his parents tore it up in a drunken rage, that is).

Ochiai walked into the room, carrying a stack of papers along with his morning coffee. Sawamura followed him to his desk, ready to be yelled at for his long absence. He no doubt missed some important work, given they had just started reading Crime and Punishment and had been warned of an essay to be due once it was finished.

"Um, sergeant, I mean, sir?" Sawamura stuttered, knowing full-well that Ochiai hated him and losing school time over a hospitalization and becoming an orphan wouldn't sway the man from his hatred. "I missed school since Friday before last and I was, uh, wondering what work I had to make up…"

Ochiai glanced from his papers, looking Sawamura over before looking back down. "Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

"Was there no homework assigned all week?" Sawamura questioned.

"No, there was quite a bit of reading from Hamlet and study packets. But you have nothing. Go sit back down."

Sawamura stared at Ochiai, worry growing. Was this some trick to fail him for missing so much? "I don't understand…"

Ochiai paused, looking back to Sawamura. "You get a pass." Lowly, as not to be heard by the other students, he added, "I lost my mother when I was your age. I couldn't focus on anything for weeks. You don't worry about the homework, Sawamura."

He was stunned. He becomes an orphan and suddenly his lit teacher, who hated him, was understanding?

Sawamura blinked away his surprise and found his seat again. The class was spent deep in thought about the life he would have now that his parents weren't there. It was like a game of how upset he could get without crying in class. A sick game, but he couldn't help that it was all he could think about.

Art class followed quickly and Sawamura was greeted by a few classmates he usually never talked to. People were being so nice to him and that was how he knew word got around. The easels were still out and he sat at his usual one. Furuya and Haruichi soon joined him, sitting on either side of him while they explained they had only been painting still-life's in class with the occasional homework assignment in their sketchbooks.

Yuki came up to Sawamura, quietly telling him he could work on his last painting instead of catching up on the ones everyone else had been doing. This was an issue, since he had no reference, so he opted instead to paint over his last piece and catch up. Their new still-life had no fruit, consisting of glass bottles and candlesticks. He worked around his previously painted oranges and apples and fit the new items in around them.

Art was his one release. It was shocking when the bell rang and Sawamura realized he had been so hyper-focused on his painting of the empty wine bottles in the middle of the room that he didn't see everyone else pack up and put their canvases on the drying racks.

He got up to put his own supplies away when his teacher stopped him.

"Why don't you stay and work on your painting?" Yuki said.

"But I have math to get to—"

"I'll call your teacher. I have a planning period and I could use the company."

Was the world spiraling into the sun? Is it normal for people to be so outrageously nice to mourning teenagers? First his english teacher and now the art teacher? Sawamura wasn't used to such random kindness, kindness that felt alien to him all at once, but he stayed. Painting was the first thing he's done that actually made him feel better. When he was in the act he was relaxed and focused on being productive, and even when he came back to the real world he felt a strange calmness.

The painting was done by fourth period and it was the best piece he had done all year.

Sawamura's toes were growing sore, the painkillers from the morning finally worn off. The walking through the halls and around the stairs didn't help it either. He warded his limp off by walking on his heel, though the stiffness in his foot caused further pain. Chris looked up, smiling lightly when Sawamura entered the room and sat next to him.

"Hey, Chris-senpai!" Sawamura bowed.

"Hello, Sawamura. How is your first day back?"

Sawamura paused, furrowing his eyebrows. "It's weird. All my teachers are being so nice to me. I got a pass to not read Hamlet and I got to skip math to paint. It's unreal!"

Chris nodded, not surprised at all. The school was abuzz with the information once it got out. The death of his parents had been mentioned on a local news site and it grew rampant when the only child of Sawamura family didn't come to school. Of course, most people were polite enough not to make a big deal of it. The teachers, though, felt the need to be incredibly understanding since his parents had been at the school the day of their death. It was surreal for everyone, involved or not. Sweet Sawamura was an orphan.

Class ended and Sawamura went to his locker, trying to find something worth taking home to do. An old sketchbook sat beneath some heavy textbooks and he tugged it out and placed it gingerly into his backpack.

"Sawamura!"

He turned, surprised to see Isashiki and Haruichi's brother Ryosuke walking toward him. Isashiki was waving at him, which was weird since he never acknowledged anyone before.

"We heard about your parents. Sorry, man."

Something stabbed at Sawamura's stomach.

The gentle voice of Ryosuke overpowered Isashiki. "Our condolences."

The two talked at one another and Sawamura weakly smiled at them before turning away to make his escape. He bumped past random people who turned to glare but softened as soon as they saw it was him, poor little orphan Sawamura.

Some people tried to stop him to pass on their sorrow or to try to act like they understand what he's going through, as if they weren't making fun of him and laughing at him just weeks before. Sawamura rushed past them, losing patience at the stops, breaking free of the school and out the front doors. Kataoka said he would pick him up, so he waited outside on a bench by the carpool lane.

He was flooded with relief when he saw his boss' car pull up, which he gladly hopped in. He was asked about his day and classes but Sawamura just said, "It was fine."

They got back home and Miyuki stood with Eitoku in the kitchen, making food together while Rei sat in the living room mending assorted torn clothing.

"Don't eat until dinner, Eijun," Miyuki called over his shoulder. "We're making tonkatsu."

Sawamura perked up like a puppy and went happily to his room, unloading his light backpack on the small desk. Today was his grandfather's last day before he had to catch a train back to province, and Miyuki would no doubt have to go back to his own real home. Miyuki's father insisted he could go back alone and give his son more time with his brother, but Miyuki for some reason wouldn't let his father leave his side again.

Sawamura figured Miyuki was cheap and wanted to get rid of the damn rental car and share a ride with his father back rather than hunting down train tickets in addition to his transportation problems.

Dinner came around and the six of them crowded around the table and ate the first real dinner they had had since before the funeral. As dinner came to a close, the adults and Miyuki's father were talking about how Miyuki adopted by Sawamura family. When they finished, Sawamura retreated back to his room. His room was dark and almost cold. The happiness faded quickly and he sat on the edge of the bed, happy for his brother that Miyuki finally found his real family, yet sad that Miyuki will leave him again.

And now Sawamura was thinking of his dead parents and he was sad once more. Today had been a hard day at school, being treated so differently only made him think about his parents more. Yet he knew if he was treated the same he wouldn't be able to work, too caught up in the mourning process. There was no middle-ground for him to rest and he had no idea what he was supposed to do.

The soft pillow met his cheek as he laid down to try to sleep off the foreboding feelings swelling inside his chest. Time passed and he was, once again, unable to sleep. Instead he got up, wandering over to the dresser to take some pain medicine for his aching foot.

This night the medicine did nothing to help him sleep, instead taking away one of the few distractions he had from his mourning. He limped out of his room, hoping to find some distraction from everything. The door to the second guest room was ajar, light spilling out of the slender crack. It drew him in and he entered the room to find his grandfather finishing up a prayer, kneeling by the bed with clasped hands and closed eyes. He finished up and smiled when he opened his eyes to see his young grandson.

"Eijun," Eitoku murmured. "Come here!" He reached out to the young boy, gently petting his head as he sat down with him on the bed.

"Eijun, I know you're having a tough time right now… but I want you to know me and your brother are here for you. We always have been and we always will be. I know it's not easy to lose your parents at such a young age, but it'll get better. And try not to look back on your parents like they were monsters. I know they were… strongly disciplining you boys… but they—"

"You knew?" Sawamura shocked.

His grandfather faltered.

"You knew they were… they did this?"

"Yeah, I did. I didn't know how bad it was until Kazuya started yelling about it the other day after the funeral. I knew they believed in such practices as spanking, but I had no idea they… they would go farther than that. If I had known your bruises weren't because you were just clumsy I would have come sooner and done something. Believe me, Eijun. I would have tried."

"You would have stopped them? But… why?"

Eitoku's face fell and he stared at Sawamura with the greatest sadness in his eyes. He tried his best to make his grandson understand, seeming to find no words to fit. "Because you didn't deserve any of it, and neither did your brother. I admit, you got it worse… But you didn't deserve it. You beat bad children as punishment, to teach them. Your parents, rest them, took it too far."

Sawamura felt numb but it wasn't from his slight abuse of the painkillers. Maybe it was because he was so tired or because he was so worn from the past week, but Sawamura found himself unable to understand why his grandfather was being so apologetic. Bad kids were beaten, that's how it was. Sawamura was bad, so his parents did what they had to. Or was he good and punished? It hurt too much to think about the past, so he didn't. He just sat there and accepted his parents weren't beating him—it was discipline, as Eitoku said.

That was it. Bad kids are disciplined. So, Sawamura was bad. And that means he had to be punished… right?

"Grandpa…" Eijun whispered, having trouble finding his voice. "I… I don't understand… You said what they did was wrong, and it felt wrong… So why do I miss them? Kazuya… Kazuya used to scream he hated them but he cried over them, too… Why do I miss it when they hit me?" Sawamura hiccupped and wiped away the stray tears that slid down his cheek.

Eitoku sniffled and hugged Sawamura tightly and muttered into his hair, "Because they were your parents."

They sat embraced for a while until Sawamura fell asleep. Eitoku tucked him in and brushed his hair out of his face lightly before tip-toeing out to the living room, watching his other grandson with a small smile. Miyuki was curled on the couch with his father, as expected. He was really going to miss his grandchildren.

The next day Sawamura woke with a start, instantly knowing he was in trouble. He never naturally woke up on a school day, it always required some kind of alarm or broken bottle being thrown. He rushed up, stumbling over his feet until he was out of the guest room and in the living room. Rei and his grandfather greeted him with a small smile from the couch, where he had been conversing with Miyuki.

Today was off to a very confusing start. "Rei-san," Sawamura asked, "Why didn't anyone wake me for school? It's Tuesday. I have work to—"

"Your grandfather leaves today, I think that constitutes a day at home to say goodbye."

Sawamura smiled faintly, glad to be able to see his family off.

Around four o'clock Kataoka arrived home early from work. The group all jammed into his car and Sawamura's head and toes and shoulder and—_GOD_—everything hurt, but he endured it. He didn't want to be a burden on everyone else. They were all crammed in there, it wouldn't help to whine.

When you cry, you're given something to cry about.

They reached the train station and they helped Eitoku with his bags and said their teary-but-composed goodbyes. The car ride back to Kataoka's home was somber and slow. Sawamura headed straight to bed, back to his painkillers.

He laid in bed silently for a while, feigning sleep when someone opened the door and undoubtedly checked him out. The person left again and he strained his ears to listen when he heard quiet talking outside the door.

The words were too soft, yet they beckoned him to listen. Sawamura fell asleep numb, only partially from the medicine, with a background wall of anxiety waiting for the numbness to pass.

It didn't take long for Chris to see there was a change in his friend. Sawamura was usually so cheery and loudmouthed, always so hungry and mooching whenever he had food. It was understandable that he would act differently after losing his parents, though it still worried Chris.

Sawamura would come into class in a haze most days, eyes unfocused and ears deaf. He would smile, bowed and greet his senpai and promptly continue on with acting like he wasn't there. He would open books and stare at random pages without reading or take out notebooks and just scribble the same circle over and over. There were no playful or bored doodles anymore, just dark lines and nonsense.

He had completely checked out and the teachers all allowed it.

It was known by the whole school what had happened and Chris was starting to see how damaging it really was to let Sawamura go to class but not give him work. He wasn't "working through things" but basking in the thoughts and memories of their deaths. Chris tried speaking privately to a couple of his teachers, who he also had for higher-level classes, but they all gave the same excuses about not being able to divulge another student's confidential personal business or some nonsense about giving Sawamura's time to heal.

It sounded logical, but not for Sawamura. Sawamura couldn't be given that much time alone with himself, Chris knew him too well; he knew the boy would think himself numb and let it take over him. He had anxiety issues that he confided to Chris about when they met. He admitted to being suddenly nervous around new people and his small blind fear they might just be mean and waiting to attack.

Chris never did understand the fear, but fears aren't meant to be logical.

It had been two weeks since the funeral and Sawamura showed no signs of recovering. His bruises from the apparent attack had all faded and the stitches in his head were taken out already. His limp was getting better though Chris didn't know if his toes were healing or if Sawamura was just used to the pain.

It didn't help that Miyuki and his father had left earlier that week to go back home. Since they left it got worse. Sawamura was either numb or emotional and Chris didn't know what he was supposed to do. Was he supposed to pretend nothing happened and let Sawamura pretend with him? Was he supposed to ask his friend how he was holding up and risk bringing back more pain? Things wouldn't be so hard if his parents weren't dead. If they were horrible people this would be so much easier… wouldn't it?

The bell rang and Chris snapped out of his thoughts. He was surprised to see Sawamura was already out the door and hurrying out of school. It was jarring to see the apathetic boy suddenly so quick.

It was weird seeing him so depressed.

Sawamura sat quietly at the bench by the carpool lane, waiting for Rei to pick him up. He was still on "paid leave" from the flower shop with the excuse that Kataoka didn't want him stressing himself out any more than he already was. His caretakers had to return to work (though Kataoka had been there on odd hours during the whole ordeal). Rei still promised to leave work to get him from school, apologetically telling him she'd have to go back afterwards.

The small car pulled up and Sawamura jumped in with his lighter-than-air backpack. Rei smiled at him, asking how his day was, disappointed to get the same answer: "It was fine."

They continued to drive in silence for a few minutes until Rei remembered Sawamura would be alone for the first time. "Sawamura, will you be okay being alone tonight? Tesshin and I wouldn't be home until nearly ten."

"Yes, I'll be okay."

"It's perfectly understandable if you want someone there."

Sawamura looked at Rei, confused. "Do you not trust me? I won't burn your house down, promise!"

Rei chuckled and patted his shoulder. "Just call us if you need anything, we'll be more than happy to come back home. There's some frozen dinners in the freezer you can make yourself tonight when you get hungry."

She pulled into the driveway and Sawamura got out alone and watched her as she backed out onto the street. He was actually alone now. It was new—he had never been alone at someone else's house before. Sawamura pulled the house key out and went inside, locking the door as he closed it.

The house was so quiet. It was a weird, booming silence that was practically white noise flooding Sawamura's ears. A whimper escaped his throat and it came crashing down on him; he never realized how much he hated being alone. Before it was scary because it was the calm before the storm, the waiting period, wondering when his mom would come home or his dad would wake up. Now he was just alone.

Kataoka and Rei were gone until ten and it was almost uncomfortable having such a regulated life now.

Sawamura wandered the house, trying to find something to do to calm his nerves or to distract himself. He could faintly remember his home when he was just a little kid, probably four-years-old. It was the same house he had always lived in, but new and perfect. That was before things fell apart, before the walls were decorated in sparkles of glass shards and specks of darkened blood.

It was haunting and the guilt built up in his stomach, resenting himself for only thinking of the bad times at his home. Frustrated with himself he angrily kicked a side table, gasping and sobbing quickly when a few of his broken toes smacked into the hard surface. Sawamura lost his balance and fell on his ass, tightly holding onto his foot, hoping to stop the blood and pain from rushing in.

"Fuck, fuck, _fuck_!" Sawamura wailed to himself, eyes screwed shut. He stopped his weak sobs and breathed in deeply when the pain faded to a small throb. He opened his eyes again and looked at the table, amazed he could lose his temper like his father was so prone to. That really hurt, why the hell did he do that?

Right. Because he's an awful child to only think of the bad times. That was why.

Sawamura got back up and stumbled to his room, closing the door quietly out of habit. The bed felt so soft and welcoming to his somehow stiff body. He closed his eyes and hummed, annoyed when the bad thoughts came back. The thoughts that told him he was wasting everyone's time; that he wasn't worth the teachers' time at school, that he was a burden for living with his boss yet not working. It told him how ungrateful he was to think so lowly of his poor, dead parents and the home he used to have. There were homeless kids and parents who lock their children in basements or sheds, he should be happy for what he had!

He hummed louder, wanting to drown out the thoughts. They had been building up since the funeral and they wouldn't go away. He used to be able to sit down and draw anything and keep a blank mind. He was able to walk around the school and feel happy for no reason at all. He used to be excited for art class and be proud of his work. It wasn't fair. Why was he losing himself like this? Did everyone become this way after death? Why was he acting so hurt and Miyuki was fine? Probably, because Miyuki is not his real brother and not really part of Sawamura family.

But What was happening to him?

Sawamura sat up abruptly and placed his head in his hands. Deep breaths did nothing to ease his mind or calm him down. He used to draw or nap when he was upset but art became more work than it was worth and he had trouble sleeping without those pain meds Kataoka ran out of. Panic began to rise in his throat when he realized he had lost his only two methods of calming down and he had no idea what to do.

"Calm, calm," Sawamura's voice wavered. "Calm down, Eijun, calm…" He was almost shaking and brought his knees up to his chest to hold onto.

The action sent a wave of pain to his toes again and he inhaled sharply. They numbed down again, and it hit Sawamura: _he felt better. _

He actually felt a little calmer than he did a minute ago. The feelings paused while he sat there, curled up, deep in thought. He found something that helped! He didn't have to panic, he had a solution. That in itself brought him down from his trembling, but it didn't stop the pain stabbing at his heart.

Sawamura curled his toes in, wincing at the anticipated pain. He curled them as hard as he could before the pain erupted and forced him to relax his foot. A small wave of calm danced over his skin and he smiled. He curled his toes again, waited, relaxed. The feeling was too far from the emotional pain locked in his torso, so he reached his hand over to his left arm and pinched the skin with his nails. The pain wasn't as intense but it would work. He actually missed the pain and hurt he had got from his parents, so hurting himself is the best way to calm and relax himself.

After the bout of relaxation Sawamura laid his head back down and snuggled into the pillows. He felt drained from being upset so recently and had no trouble falling asleep.

The front door creaked open as Kataoka came into the dimly-lit house.

"Sawamura must be asleep already," he observed.

"Poor thing has been so tired lately," Rei added. "Do you think the bed's not comfy enough?"

Kataoka looked at Rei and she went quiet. They both knew it wasn't the case. Rei took note of the clean state of the kitchen, wondering if Sawamura ate at all or if he was just very cleanly. She frowned at the thought of him going hungry. While Kataoka entered the kitchen to get them a late dinner, Rei crept to Sawamura's door, opening it slightly to see his calm face and his little body wrapped up in the comforters.

At least he could sleep again.

"Hey, Sawamura, I want to talk with you."

Sawamura looked up from his desk, surprised that his senpai would initiate a conversation. The past two weeks were spent in awkward silence until now.

"What is it, Chris-senpai?"

Chris rubbed his neck nervously. "I wanted to know how you've been."

"I've been fine."

"Don't," Chris warned. "Don't try to give me some half-assed lie."

"But I'm not."

It was eerie how calm he was being again. Chris watched him for a moment, trying to figure him out. "We're friends, right?"

"Yes, we are, Chris-senpai."

"Then act like it."

Sawamura's eyes widened. "What?"

"I said _act like it_." The aggression faded from his tone and his face softened. "Sawamura, don't block me out, my friend. I know things are hard on you right now but it won't get better if you push your friends away."

Sawamura was shocked to hear such words from his senpai and friend. He was used to being reprimanded for stupid things like drawing cats all over his binders, not calmly reminded that he had friends to lean on.

"I just need to be alone, Chris-senpai." Sawamura murmured.

"You've been alone. You've isolated yourself for weeks and is it helping? Do you really feel better?"

He opened his mouth and closed it again. Chris had a point, he had to admit it was miserable not talking about his feelings like he used to be so prone to. He remembered last night, when he finally calmed down. Things will get better alone, they already started to!

"I do. Things are finally getting better. Don't ruin that."

Chris's jaw dropped at the sudden change in tone. "Fine. You can keep making yourself miserable, just remember I'm here when you need someone. Promise me you won't let things get too bad, Sawamura."

"I promise." Sawamura said softly.

Though he knew inside that he wouldn't be keeping that promise. They both knew.


End file.
